At War With Myself

Warning The Following Information May be filled with Run-On Sentences and a Bizarre amount of Grammatical Mistakes. Read at your own Risk: :)

(Also this is in no way a reflection of anyone but myself. I am Not preaching at anyone but this is what I've seen in my life and if this is you, too. I pray that this will open your eyes as much as it has mine.)

This is a response to my "Head Knowledge" vs. my "Life Outpour" following the Post "Lord of the Pawn".  

I came to the dramatic reality of how Poisonious Cultural Christianity is to todays American Churches, only a few years ago. My entire life I have been blinded to the reality of the call that Christ has laid on the hearts of His children. 

I have attended church my entire life. For years, because I was so used to sitting in the pew and hearing the word preached, I Knew when I heard a good message, because it was like heart medicine. Even the ones that stepped all over my toes.  It was like finally getting a cold cup of water on a hot Southern day.  It was good!
 But that was as far as it went - HEARING it. 

It's so frustrating to hear a good word but ok what next. How do I Live it out? How do I become Salt and Light?  How do I preach the Gospel to all nations? 

Don't get me wrong, I think the IMB in the beginning was a Great Idea, and it still is. However, I am afraid that too many of us have adopted that as a,
"Well, I'm funding them to go and do what I've been called to do." 

Or even
"Well, don't we pay the pastor and church staff to do that?"


You may not have said these exact words but is "That" what your life is living?

It has been mine. Think about it... You're trusting in these pastors who have also been brought up the same way, alot of words about outreach but very little, if any, out pour.  Alot of conviction but little, to no, Action.

What do we do? How do we do it? How do I become Salt and Light? How do I minister at every oppurtunity I have. And Its not by sneaking Tracks in toilet stalls. Do you think "that's" what Jesus would Do? Run, drop and hide?  Christ wasn't sneaky at all. He was compassionate and His words spoke deep to the heart!

I am not Ashamed of the Gospel because it is the Power of Christ unto Salvation! (Romans 1:16)
Tracks arent all bad, used correctly but have a relationship first. Build a relationship! Even if it is just a 5 min totally out of your comfort zone conversation.

Because frankly "christians" have given "Christianity" a bad name, and most anyone can spot a Fake from a mile away.  And if we're saying one thing and living another, "whats so great about what we're saying?"
Not many in our society are going to respond well to a secret bathroom stall cheesy track that falls out of your toilet paper roll. Because your too scared to open your mouth and talk with them personally.  I have yet to see or hear of a toilet stall convert.

The biggest, scariest, thing about what we're facing in this war with ourselves is - Where Do We Start?  We've not seen it modeled in our churches, or much around us. So we're learning from scratch. It's exciting to see God sparking a light in hearts around the world and friends around the world but you know what.  When you see Truth clearly, and you have no one to follow...it means God's Calling you to be a Leader!

The church has got to quit with the mindset of, "well they'll come to us. maybe if we have a great program, fun games, exciting activities. Ooo, Power Point, no media shout, no a Great worship leader, well it must be, this or that or maybe so and so isn't doing such and such." All of that bogs us down from the truth of the call. Christ called us to be "Fishers of men" What are YOU doing?

Does a fisherman sit on the shore, get a well decorated, state of the art boat, push the boat out and hope that the fish jump in? Heck No!  Go, Tell, Preach! Come on!  If you don't see someone else doing it, you think it needs to be done...it may be God calling You to do it!  Quit waiting for someone else to pick of the reigns of what you've been called to do.  If your scared EVEN Better! If God's calling you to do something and your scared it means, He's ready to rock your socks off! If God's calling you to do something and you think you don't have the time, the skill or it might make you uncomfortable or excuse, excuse, excuse...get ready for God to rock your socks off!
Remain in the word. Learn how to trust Him and Him only! Learn how to hear His Voice, Learn how to notice His hand at work around you.
 It is time we stop waiting for others to fulfill our calling!

Being a Fisher of Men means NOW! Not when it's convenient or during quarterly organized ministry church projects. NOW! Today! 

My biggest struggle right now is figuring out all the little ways God's wanting to use me in my everyday life, with 2 tiny, precious anchors at home.  Anchors: is in no way a derogatory term, it just means that it limits me.  Pulls me back home :) Yes, little things I am cool with, but full-time commitments to different ministries; it is impossible for me to remain consistent in.  Doesn't mean it's stalling me, it means I've got to find out how it all fits together, and I'm about to start stalking some missionaries. 

I've got to get out of this "Church Mindset", quit labeling full-time missionaries as "the Missionaries" and realize "Hi my name is Melissa Bradley, I live in Danville, Ky and I have been Called by God to be a Missionary in this town and everywhere these feet take me!

Lord, Use me however You chose. Move me out of the way. Move my weakness out of the way and fill me with Your strength. May I be Your vessel to be used however You desire!  Clear the path ahead of me. Fill my mouth with Your words. May Your words, Your desires speak Loudly from my life!

Your Clay,
Melissa





                        

The Lord of the Pawn

When Christians come to the realization that God's world does not revolve around us, our world is meant to revolve around Him and that the ultimate desire for our lives should be to bring Him glory. Then Cultural christianity will no longer be "the faith poison".

This is a completely different view from what I once thought or believed, but at the same time it is so freeing to realize and understand. Realizing that the world does not revolve around me, and my immediate wants and desires, that there's a much larger picture is very freeing indeed. 

Whether it is through tragedy or triumph, loss or gain, God is in control of my past, present and future. My wants and desires are null is comparison to my life bringing glory to my King.

That does not mean that God does not care when we hurt.  FAR from it.  "The Lord is near to the broken hearted."  "The Lord is compassionate, slow to anger abounding in love and mercy." No, no, no He is very loving indeed.  It means that there is a much greater purpose and we should always be mindful and trust Him with that. 
When you allow your successes or failures to bring you to your knees and for them to bring you to a greater understanding of Who He is, the church will, finally, once again come to a place of revival.

When I am able to take a "Paul and Silas in prison moment" (Acts 16) and instead of sulking, I find myself praising, and declaring, "Lord, I know You have this and one way or the other. You will ultimately be magnified through this". I will know that I have finally Got It.

I find satisfaction in nothing more than being a pawn on God's chess table. He uses me and moves my player in order to bring Himself victory in the game. Whether it is through my pawn being taken out of the game early or even pawns around me. Think about it for a second. It may sound a little strong off the cuff, but think about it. 

If my life is totally surrendered to His ultimate will and He compares His love for us to the love of an "amazing earthly father" but His love is magnified in being a heavenly Father...

Follow me here...

An earthly father wants good things for His children. An earthly father wants to dote on his children, see them smile and be comforted.  In saying that, an earthly father isn't there, at all times, to help guide your steps nor to help map out your path.  An earthly father, even though he wants good things for you, all that he can direct you in, is what he may see in the immediate future.

For instance, "Yes, you should get this college education, at this great school, so that you can receive a great education, become a lawyer, be well off financially and hopefully make a difference. etc. etc." In our logic that may sound like a good plan. Your earthly father knows that you've talked about doing that for a long time and it's what you would like to do with your future.

However, your Heavenly Father made you from scratch, He breathed air into your lungs. He knows your strengths and your weakness's.  He knows the challenges you will face at that school. He knows where the spouse He created for you will be found.  He knows (for instance) that you will get to age 25 and just starting off your career as a lawyer and your heart will be longing to be a wife and mother.  He knows that you would rather die than have to leave your children for your work. He knows that with the debt you will accrue in college it will be an impossibility for you to stay home etc., etc., etc.  He knows your paths.

I'm not saying that if you are a sold out child of God that you won't face challenges. Oh mercy no! But they're different when you come to the "Pawn Realization".  When you face challenges while seeking His direction, continue seeking His direction and accept His Lordship.  Be mindful of His promises and He will guide you through it.  Whether it's by Him shaping your heart and desires towards His will or by accepting that whatever comes my way does not catch Him by surprise and that I can take the moment and reflect on His Grace or I can run hide under my covers and sulk.  He wants to be magnified in our lives.  He wants us to know Him better.  He wants us to know and trust Him for who He is and accept His Lordship in all things.

I am not saying that it's easy, but suffering will come one way or the other and we have the opportunity to surrender it and accept His authority over it and know that somehow, someway He will receive the glory for it or we can diminish His glory by trusting in our idols or pouting, sulking and "Why Me -ing."

I am in No Way trying to diminish people's pain. Please do not read "that" into this. Oh I have so many friends who have endured unimaginable pain. 

I am however trying to magnify Him and put a magnifying glass on our upside down world view, and how He desires to take our brokenness, our ashes and to create them into something beautifully surrendered.

If Paul and Silas had sulked, do you think the other prisoners and guards would have seen Christ in their life?  If Daniel had sulked do you think God would have kept the Lions mouths shut...?  (Daniel 6) Possibly, but I wonder.  If Hannah (1 Sam. 1) would have been pitching a fit, blaming and hollering at God for not giving her a child, do you think He would have chosen her and opened her womb and blessed her with a Samuel.

You see our American Christian World View is WAY off when we think that all His glory is to be pointed at us.  We are not the god's that need to be magnified.  My life is a Pawn in my Masters hand!

I find satisfaction and hope in that. I find satisfaction in knowing that my life is of far greater importance than just me.  When I entrust my life to His hands, my chess piece is promoted from a pawn to a knight. There's a heck of a lot more power in that. And that my God will be the Ultimate Victorious Champ in the game and that my little player was used at all in the game, kinda rocks my socks off!

But when I fully see and understand my role: I am freed up to love, without fear of rejection;  I am freed up to trust, without fear of being let down. I am no longer concerned with being inconvenienced or outside of my comfort zone. I am freed up to be 100% sold out and doing everything in my power to serve the Lord without fear of burn out, because my life is no longer about me, but the One who's in control of me. We are to go, do, teach and Trust, Love, Obey and leave the details in His hands.  I am NOT saying I am successful at living this out daily, but this is the mindset and the heart I am longing for. I must decrease so that He can increase. John 3:30