Saturday, October 15, 2011

Laid Bare

Oh friends have I failed! When I surrendered before the Lord, in the Beautiful Mommy Challenge, I mean to tell you, the enemy heard every word and threw some very handy devices at me. I will not get on my soap box but long day (few weeks) short, my children whined, fussed or cried ALL Day long. My foster daughter has a few stalker(ish) guys and I am so annoyed by it, I don't know how to talk about it with her calmly. 
I never want to have a conversation (where change is expected on their part) with my children that comes across harshly, and this one is laying harsh on my heart!

I am airing this out in hopes that you will see my imperfections. I want you to know, "Imperfect is okay- being complacent in the imperfect is not."  I would go into more detail but I won't, it doesn't matter. 
The point is, I'm overwhelmed and in desperate need of surrendering and I am laying down my pride laying myself bare before you and before GOD and praying for surrender right now.

Lord, Search me and know my thoughts. Search me and Know my ways. If there is anything in me that is not Glorifying to YOU remove it! Lord, this hurts, but YOU'RE worth it!  I've only had 2 days of having my deficits thrown out in front of me and it hurts. I am so inadequate and so far from where YOU want me to be and where I want to be before YOU. If I'm not surrendered I can't be useful.  
Lord, I'm a mess. There is nothing good within me.

Lord, remove my pride - It's going to hurt.
Lord, remove my tendency for anger - It's going to hurt.
Lord teach me to love with Your Love.

Give me YOUR peace through this.
I am not in this for the short haul. Lord, I've accepted the pain, I am going to endure. I want to be Your vessel.  Lord, remove my impatience, take it easy on me Lord because it's buried deep in me. I have absolutely no power over my weaknesses, they consume me but Lord, YOU are my LORD! I pray for YOU to consume me. Lord fill my weakness with YOUR Holiness. Fill my inadequacies with Your grace.  Help me to see You for WHO YOU ARE and to place me where I belong.  
Lord, I pray that You will help me to not take myself seriously but to take YOU seriously! I pray that YOU will teach me to hear YOUR voice, and know how to respond. Fill my mouth with YOUR praise. Fill my tongue and my mind with YOUR grace. May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my mind correspond with YOU.

Lord, I am so unworthy of YOUR love. I am so unworthy of YOUR pursuit, but God I pray that YOU will not give up on me! Continue to pursue me and pursue others through me. Give me YOUR strength to endure this. Lord take hold of me! Remove my will from me. Help me to love and serve my family. Help me to Love and serve my children, foster children, my neighbor, my friend and my enemy. 
May YOUR grace flow through my life. More of YOU less of me!  Take radical control of my life. Lord, I have no power of surrender, take it from me. Remove every un-Holy area from my life!  I want to be YOURS fully!  Help me to see others above myself.  Fill me Lord! Place a seal over my mouth, do not allow any of me to slip from my lips! Give me YOUR Grace to endure this me-Detox.

YOUR Clay~


  1. God loves your heart which is quick to repent. He shows mercy on you always.

  2. When He refines us "the pain is intense and the cut is deep". Taken from a sermon our Pastor preached. When we ask for His Holy fire to take the iniquities out of our lives it is not an easy process. We have an enemy that wants to kill, destroy, deceive, and blind us, and who will not relent. BUT we have an ADVOCATE that wants us to realize that we are weak. Weak in our sinful nature, weak to bare up under the enemy's tactics, and left to ourselves we do not always stand firm. BUT when we do fall, He is faithful and we can confess our sins to Him. He is a STRONG TOWER where the righteous can run to and not faint. Hold fast to Him. Apart from Him we can do nothing. Keep abiding in Him. As we take on this challenge it could prove to be one of the biggest battles of our lives. I know just now my thoughts toward my impatient daughter did not meet with kind, Christ-like thoughts. Oh how I fall short, more often than I want to contemplate. But let His fire refine us so that we end up with less impurities and as we pursue Him we will be a better reflection of His character. I'm doing the I John Bible study with I thought these verses would bring salve to your mind tonight. Be clothed in His righteousness.
    I John 2:
    25 This is the promise which He Himself made to us: eternal life.
    26 These things I have written to you concerning those who are trying to deceive you. 27 As for you, the anointing which you received from Him abides in you, and you have no need for anyone to teach you; but as His anointing teaches you about all things, and is true and is not a lie, and just as it has taught you, you abide in Him.

    28 Now, little children, abide in Him, so that when He appears, we may have confidence and not shrink away from Him in shame at His coming. 29 If you know that He is righteous, you know that everyone also who practices righteousness is born of Him.

  3. I am praying for you right now Melissa. God hears the cry of your heart and He's there extending His hands full of Grace and Mercy. I'm trusting Him and believing with you that things are going to turn around and work out for you good and for His Glory.

  4. Hi Melissa - don't lose heart, when you are being attacked you are on the right path. I have taken this challenge with you but am still putting together a page for my blog so I too can be held accountable. Just know we are all in this together and I pray the week ahead is filled with victories for which you can give God all the glory.
    God bless

  5. I am right there with you. Today is a new day and His mercies are new and I am ready to start fresh!