Beautiful Mommy Thoughts

It doesn't matter how silly we feel or how unimaginative. It doesn't matter how much we have to put off, or that goes undone. Time spent playing in the floor with my children or rocking and reading to them will be moments I remember and cherish forever. I won't remember my status updates or notifications. I won't remember the series finale of the most talked about show.  The mess that I needed to clean up or the phone that needed to be answered. I will cherish "these" moments. The ones that so easily get pushed aside because we think we can get to it in 5 minutes. I'll remember the times that instead of running around trying to clean up around them, I got my children involved and we made it fun.  Even though it took longer I'll never forget how excited they were to help, just to spend time with me. 

My Pait Date

We've known for the last few months that we were about to move. So our "normal" wasn't so "normal" at all.  Our world was a little more chaos, mayhem and survival; than, planned, thought out and enjoyable. If you have children you know that this is not a good mommy mindset.

As a mommy I need to have as much mapped out as possible so that I can soak up the little moments instead enduring them, trying to remain patient through them or even overlooking them.  Maybe that's just my sin. I do not handle chaos well. I need order and I make maps in my head all day of how I'm going to do all of my to-do's, while making time to specifically enjoy each of my children, rather than just managing them, and every home needs order. 

If you are lucky enough to have lived in your home for a long time you may not notice it, but you do have a certain structure and balance. In how you do the laundry, when you have the best chance of starting and finishing the dishes, etc. etc. The things you occupy your children with while you accomplish them, there has to be some sort of order. The past few months our order was out the door, along with much of my patience, I am ashamed to say.  Don't get me wrong I have never not been completely in awe and in love with my children.  I love them more than my words could ever express! Please do not read too much into this guilty mommy heart.  I am just taking a moment to reflect on all that has happened the past few months and how even though I loved and did enjoy my children. It wasn't nearly as much as I needed to.

The final two weeks of packing and moving Jaxson went back home to the Carolina's to see family and friends while we finished up the nitty gritty.  Which was super hard on this mommy heart to let him go, however, I knew it would be full of moments he will treasure for the rest of his life. While he was away I was able to soak up some much needed time with my 21 month old baby girl Paitlyn. 

When it was just Paitlyn I was able to see how much she has grown over the last few months. New personality traits and quirks that I had not even noticed amongst the crazy. Oh I felt so ashamed. You hear all the time how important it is to date your spouse so that you don't forget what you fell in love with in the first place but it's also important to date your children. So that you don't overlook their preciousness and individuality in the chaos.

My Paitlyn is full of life and personality. She is not even 2 and so full of spunk. You never know what she's going to do or say. Not even 2 and she can have almost full conversations with me.  She's always trying to sing. She loves her brother and they are such a funny duo together. She's always laughing and trying to make us laugh.  Oh how I pray for her to grow into a Godly young lady!

For all the years that I spent longing and daydreaming about these precious few mommy days, and I swore I would make the most of every moment.  I can not believe I allowed the mayhem to block my view from enjoying them individually.  Granted there were several roadblocks that added to the craziness and lack of structure, but that should never be an excuse that keeps me from taking the time to really invest in them. 

Lord, Help me to be mindful of the little things. Help me to take the crazy moments and shape them into teaching moments. Do not allow my mind to become overwhelmed in the things that don't really matter. Help me with my time management and Lord may they see You in my life. May we be constantly leading them towards You. Teaching them Your truths. Give me Your eyes to notice when they need my encouragement the most and help me to love with Your love. Help me to be mindful of how my actions and words are ever shaping them.  Help me to have Your patience, understanding and give me a gentle spirit. Help me to graciously accept putting myself on the back burner, when necessary and to place their needs above my own.  Lord, may my mommy skills be acceptable and pleasing in Your sight and may they be viewed as an act of Worship! Help me to love You more than myself.

Your Clay,

Melissa

Learning to Breathe

I love watching the Duggars.  I think the children are precious, and the husband is a great dad, but I am totally jealous of Mrs. Duggar.  Not in an ugly way, but you see the Love of Christ all over her. You have to, she's had 19 children and holds it all together, you know that's a God thing. I only have two and there are days I feel like I am going to lose it. I want to have that kind of Godly love exude my life. I want my children to be able to watch my life and know they have a mom who earnestly desires to reflect Christ.

I am a strong type A personality and I have a point A and a point B, in every task, and everything that gets in the way of my point B is in a Dangerous place. :)  I don't want to be that way.  I want to be gentle, loving, kind and Patient. I want to have my children screaming and running under my feet and I want to be able to calmly explain to them why that's inappropriate.  I want them to be screaming and wrestling in the other room and to be able to get on their level in a calm firm voice explain why that's not okay.  I want to teach them biblically when their behaviors are wrong.  I want to look at their heart in the situation and see where they are coming from instead of jumping to the conclusion of "Guys, Knock it Off!" so quickly. 

Don't get me wrong, I do up until about 2:30 on good days, 11:30am on questionable ones, and there are days I barely make it to 8:30. As a mom it is my goal to be the Proverbs 31, wife and mom. I want to be the wife that boosts her husband to accomplish all God places before him. I want to be the mom that shapes the children and their behavior in light of God's word.  I want to teach them Jesus, not just by preaching it but in my actions. Show them by my love. In the way I answer their cries. In the way I fix their drinks and snacks and the way I sit down with them to watch their cartoons, or read a book and rock, even when I have a To-Do list a mile long.
I think it is a snare of Satan to begrudge these precious little moments. When I am too focused on my To-Do's than these precious gifts of God.

Dear Lord,

Give me Your eyes to see my children and Your heart to love my children. Help me to shape them and train them in Your ways. Remove any stumbling block I may set up in their path. Keep my eyes focused on You and remember my family is second and to-do's are third.
Help me to make my children my point B, and to annihilate everything in the middle that keeps me from treasuring their little moments.  I pray that they will see You in me.  I pray that You will teach me to Breathe and Pray before Reacting, because Lord, I Know that they see, watch and mimic my every move. 

Your Clay,

Melissa

Inspire Me

When I'm not looking

I have to admit, there are days I get so frustrated and discouraged because I Really want to have some time "Alone" with God, and as a mommy "Alone Time" is a thing of the past.  I try to get up early and I promise, the kids hear me open my bible, and I cannot concentrate if I have anything going on around me so this is Really a Task :)

I take the kids outside to play and I pull out my bible and Jax has a question, then Pait does everything Jax does so here she comes trying to say what Jax said, it really is adorable, but I can't spend time with God with so much going on.  I feel like I can't be the mommy they need me to be if I don't get to spend the time with Him that I need. I don't feel like I can be the wife I need to be or minister in the way He's called me to if I can't spend time with Him.

The other day I was having one of these battles in search of quiet time so I took the kids outside to play and I sat on the front porch and Pait came up to me and she said, "Bible, Bible" so she grabbed one of my bibles and sat down beside me and pretended to read.

God showed me that even though I'm not Really getting to spend time with Him the way I would like my walk is having an impact on my children's life, I am called to be a missionary to my children, and they mimic my every move.  When I'm not looking at my attitude, actions or words, they are!  My friend Sunshine told me the other day, "God made us mom's. He knows our life is hectic." 

While that is in no way a justification to not spend time with God, because spending time with God is not an obligation.  We are Blessed to be able to boldly approach God and present our requests to Him and to have Him mold us into His vessels to be used for His Good Purposes, and for Him to give us His peace as we walk on shaky ground. How on earth could that be considered an obligation?

I am learning to adapt to this era in my life with Him. Enjoy this time with my children and to meditate on His word throughout the day.

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.