Sunday, October 23, 2011

Mommy-ing like Jesus

Casting Crowns - Does Anybody Hear Her
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Have you ever felt completely incompetent in mommy-dom.

It seems, since we began fostering, it hits me about Friday every week.  I have to go back to the start and I have to say,

"Lord, I'm in this because this is where You have brought me. This is a call you have placed on our hearts. You have lead us here, and even though I feel completely inadequate and ill equipped, You know this situation and YOU know the words that need to be spoken to this young girls heart. Lord I need You to speak through me now, because if I do, there are about to be Fireworks."

My Foster Daughter is on restriction and it is well earned restrictions. Guidelines that we have calmly, clearly and rationally laid out; she clearly understands and the very next day (or with in the next hour) it happens again.

I don't mean slip up rules. I mean, I asked you to get off the phone, it's after your bedtime and I find her 30mins later sneaking and whispering on the phone.

I have been away all weekend on a ladies retreat.  I haven't seen my 2 children in two days.  When I got home my husband hurriedly handed over the children because he had to leave for a meeting and immediately it starts.

Many little independent things she's saying: whining, complaining, mentioning different things in a negative tone, slightly talking down to me...She's trying to get a rise out of me.  She keeps it up. Despite the fact I have not seen, hugged, or even talked to my own children much in 2 days. (I love her to death, but I really want you to see how ugly my own flesh felt, so please don't judge too harshly, too quick.)

It would be easy for me to "Flesh Back" and tell her what's, what because without a doubt she was off base, somethings were downright mean, bitter and manipulating.

However, she is not my child She's GOD's - He's called her to my house and I am to treat her as HE would.

So instead I keep listening to her, holding my children, watching her, smiling, nodding and PRAYING!  Praying that the Lord would give me a glimmer of what's Really  going on here.  Praying that He gives me HIS eyes to see her, HIS Compassion to hear her and HIS love to handle her.

Did you know that our God answers prayer.
Oh He does and be ready for a broken heart when dealing with children.

To sum it up without getting deep into detail:

  • Have you ever felt worthless, like you didn't matter? 
  • Has anyone ever treated you like a treasure that needs to be kept safe?
  • Have you ever had boundaries set out before you that came out of love and wanting to protect you, rather than just trying to keep you from getting on someone's nerves? 
  • Have you ever had someone that actually wanted to spend time with you?
  • Have you ever had someone that truly enjoys your company?
I could go on and on.

My point is: So often we see symptoms, such as the rotten attitude, negativity, etc. and when it is treated out of our flesh the problem is NEVER solved only worsened.

The Lord has given us our children as a treasure. Meant to be kept, loved, Treasured, ADORED and lead in HIS ways.  If we can't do the simplest thing in controlling our tongue and leaning on HIM for wisdom to see the root and not the symptoms our teens/our children will NOT see the Love of Christ in us. 

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If we look at children that are not our own, see their symptoms and don't pray to see the root of the problem - They will never see Christ in us!
  • Do your children feel like they're worthless, like they don't matter? 
    • You see it doesn't matter what they're saying, or how off base they are. Treat them like their thoughts matter, their feelings matter. We need to wait, smiling, PRAYING patiently for the Lord's response. He's the One who you want to hold your child's heart. His response will reach them when my response may cut them to the core and leave scars. 
  • Have your children ever been told (by you) that they are a treasure that needs to be kept safe?
    • If you don't tell them, and treat them that way, they will be placed on an empty Painful hunt to look for their worth that should be taught by their parents.
    • They are a priceless, irreplaceable treasure. They need to be treated that way.
  • Do your children have boundaries set out before them that come out of love and wanting to protect them? Rather than just trying to keep them from getting on your (or someone else's) nerves? 
    • Have you ever been self conscience of their behavior or them in public or in front of friends? There's a BIG difference in holding your ground out of being a parent and trying to hold a ground because you fear how you may be perceived as a parent.
  • Do your children know that you actually want to spend time with them?
    • Do you date your children? Even if it's sitting down rocking them and watching an extremely long cartoon that they want to watch.
    • Or taking them to lunch one on one?
  • Do your children know that you enjoy their company?
    • Do you sit down and patiently have a conversation with them like they matter, their thoughts have worth? When they talk about pointless stuff do you treat them like it's pointless or do you refocus them or show them "Gently" the big picture?
Kids know when you're smiling and nodding and it says to them that
they're stupid and they don't matter.
    • Teenagers have a flood of hormones, new thoughts they've never had before, EVERYTHING is brand new.  They don't know how to organize their own thoughts.
    • They are becoming an individual, no longer a kid. That's hard! Trying to figure out "Who" they are, how they're viewed...Hard, hard, hard.  You as the parent have a beautiful opportunity to teach them how to sort it out. How to see the big picture.

Children need to be treated as a precious, priceless treasure, so they're not forced to search for someone/something else to fill that void.

Proverbs 16:22-24
Understanding is a fountain of life to one who has it,
But the discipline of fools is folly.

The heart of the wise instructs his mouth
And adds persuasiveness to his lips.

Pleasant words are a honeycomb,
Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

HIS Clay~

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  1. Great encouragement! As a mother of a twelve and thirteen year old, I needed to hear this.

  2. Great encouragement, Melissa! I have been guilty of the smiling/nodding thing with my 13 year old son. I don't want him to think that he doesn't matter. Thanks for the reminder to be in the moment and give him the attention he deserves.

  3. A great reminder of a big picture truth - good timing - I have school again tomorrow facing grades K through 4 in a secular setting. Lord, help me . . .


  4. Dear Melissa,

    How can I thank you for this great posting?


  5. Wonderful encouragement Melissa... and you are doing a great job seeing His perspective in your situation. You are a blessing! Thank you :)

  6. Ooo Wee! Been there! So easy to want to bark back! I'm sure you're doing an excellent job though! Keep it up! YOU WILL SEE FRUIT!

  7. Thanks so much for the encouraging words!