Monday, November 7, 2011

I was raised in a Christian home. I came to know the Lord at a very young age and remember accepting Jesus into my heart. Our family attended church every Sunday and I went to a Christian school. Christianity was something that our family “just did.” I never needed to rely on God; therefore He wasn’t real to me.

When I was in third grade, my mom left my dad. It was a difficult time in my life and I struggled with expressing my emotions. I remember praying to God, asking Him to fix my parents marriage. When He didn’t fix their marriage. I remember seeking comfort in Him when I felt sad or alone.

As I continued to grow up in my Christian school, I learned more about God and what He thought of me. Just like everyone, I went through phases where I was more concerned with what others thought of me and other times I was very close to God.

I attended a public school my junior and senior years. I didn’t realize how sheltered I was until I went to public school. I made new friends. My friends drank and some did drugs. I felt so much acceptance in my group of friends, that I too started drinking. I struggled with guilt and would often go back to God because I felt bad about drinking, but then falling into peer pressure the next day.

The day before I graduated high school was the day that changed my life forever. One of my “friends” set me up on a blind date. I was offered a drink and don’t remember much after that. I woke up to being raped by a stranger. Somehow I got away and was able to get to a friend to help me.

After the rape, I sunk into a severe depression. I thought God hated me for all I had done and that He would never forgive me. I was unable to look in the mirror because all I saw was someone covered in dirt. I started using drugs to survive the pain I felt. When I overdosed and landed in the hospital, I realized I couldn’t live this way anymore.

I started attending church again. I heard God’s truth but deep down I could not believe that I was worth the love that God offered me. Many times God showed me how much He loved me but I struggled with the fact that if He really loved me, how could He let this happen to me? 

I ended up getting in an abusive relationship and becoming codependent on this person. Instead of going to God, I often sought unhealthy people to make me feel better about myself. I would try to give so much to them, hoping I could earn their love. Instead of love, I would receive pain.

Out of this abusive relationship, I ended up getting pregnant with my beautiful daughter. I know that this was part of God’s plan. While I was pregnant with Grace a pastor helped me get out of the relationship. The pastor and his wife extended me love and spoke truth into my life. I know that God used them to show me that God loved me despite all I had done. When I delivered my daughter, I named her Grace because it was the first time I ever experienced God’s amazing grace. It brings me to tears just thinking about it.

After Grace was born I still struggled with negative thoughts and seeking approval from man rather than God. But I was able to accept His love and forgiveness. I started reading the Bible and learning the truth. When I struggled with a negative thought, I fought it off with God’s truth.

Every time I looked in the mirror and I struggled with thinking I was covered in dirt. I would look at myself and say:
Psalm 139:14 (NIV) I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 
 your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
And every time I needed to trust God I would say:
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Out of all the pain that the rape and abusive relationship caused. I realized that Satan had wanted what I experienced to be used for evil but God worked it out for His good. Because of the rape, I struggle with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I struggle with this every sing day. But because of the PTSD, I have to rely on God to get me through each and every moment of my day.

An important part of my healing was God using people to work in my life. He had it in His plan that my pastor and his wife would speak truth in my life. He had it in His plan for me to see a therapist that helped me work through my anxiety and depression. God provided a support group for me that helped me deal with the pain I experienced. And God provided an amazing husband that is able to love me right where I am at.

Today I am closer to God than I have ever been. I am able to trust Him and believe that He desires good for my life. Lastly, I know that what I went through was meant for evil but God meant it for good. 

More about Melanie:  My name is Melanie and I have a little blog over here. I live in sunny Arizona with my husband, three children and two dogs. As of April, I have been blessed to be a stay at home mom. Before staying at home, I worked with children who were abused. I am passionate about helping others who have been abused. I enjoy being with my family, riding bikes, hiking, going on walks, writing, reading, dancing, and window shopping. I am excited to share with you my testimony and how God is working in my life. God is a redeeming God and He can make all things new. I pray that God would speak to you through my testimony.  


  1. Thank you so much for sharing Melanie. It is amazing to see how God reached you through your pain and suffering. I cannot imagine having gone through what you had. I also have struggled with guilt and the feeling that I am not good enough. Thank you for being so open and sharing your journey. It is truly encouraging:)

  2. Melanie, what an awesome testimony of God's redeeming power! Thank you for sharing! I know many will be touched by your life!

  3. Oh, Melanie, what an amazing testimony. I know that it has been a real struggle for you and yet seeing your hope and love for God shining through your words is so encouraging!

  4. Melanie, your experiences are extremely familiar to me and my path was very similar to yours (only I have a Max) and 2 daughters. :) And I didn't get away from the rapist, but I've forgiven him.