My Pait Date

We've known for the last few months that we were about to move. So our "normal" wasn't so "normal" at all.  Our world was a little more chaos, mayhem and survival; than, planned, thought out and enjoyable. If you have children you know that this is not a good mommy mindset.

As a mommy I need to have as much mapped out as possible so that I can soak up the little moments instead enduring them, trying to remain patient through them or even overlooking them.  Maybe that's just my sin. I do not handle chaos well. I need order and I make maps in my head all day of how I'm going to do all of my to-do's, while making time to specifically enjoy each of my children, rather than just managing them, and every home needs order. 

If you are lucky enough to have lived in your home for a long time you may not notice it, but you do have a certain structure and balance. In how you do the laundry, when you have the best chance of starting and finishing the dishes, etc. etc. The things you occupy your children with while you accomplish them, there has to be some sort of order. The past few months our order was out the door, along with much of my patience, I am ashamed to say.  Don't get me wrong I have never not been completely in awe and in love with my children.  I love them more than my words could ever express! Please do not read too much into this guilty mommy heart.  I am just taking a moment to reflect on all that has happened the past few months and how even though I loved and did enjoy my children. It wasn't nearly as much as I needed to.

The final two weeks of packing and moving Jaxson went back home to the Carolina's to see family and friends while we finished up the nitty gritty.  Which was super hard on this mommy heart to let him go, however, I knew it would be full of moments he will treasure for the rest of his life. While he was away I was able to soak up some much needed time with my 21 month old baby girl Paitlyn. 

When it was just Paitlyn I was able to see how much she has grown over the last few months. New personality traits and quirks that I had not even noticed amongst the crazy. Oh I felt so ashamed. You hear all the time how important it is to date your spouse so that you don't forget what you fell in love with in the first place but it's also important to date your children. So that you don't overlook their preciousness and individuality in the chaos.

My Paitlyn is full of life and personality. She is not even 2 and so full of spunk. You never know what she's going to do or say. Not even 2 and she can have almost full conversations with me.  She's always trying to sing. She loves her brother and they are such a funny duo together. She's always laughing and trying to make us laugh.  Oh how I pray for her to grow into a Godly young lady!

For all the years that I spent longing and daydreaming about these precious few mommy days, and I swore I would make the most of every moment.  I can not believe I allowed the mayhem to block my view from enjoying them individually.  Granted there were several roadblocks that added to the craziness and lack of structure, but that should never be an excuse that keeps me from taking the time to really invest in them. 

Lord, Help me to be mindful of the little things. Help me to take the crazy moments and shape them into teaching moments. Do not allow my mind to become overwhelmed in the things that don't really matter. Help me with my time management and Lord may they see You in my life. May we be constantly leading them towards You. Teaching them Your truths. Give me Your eyes to notice when they need my encouragement the most and help me to love with Your love. Help me to be mindful of how my actions and words are ever shaping them.  Help me to have Your patience, understanding and give me a gentle spirit. Help me to graciously accept putting myself on the back burner, when necessary and to place their needs above my own.  Lord, may my mommy skills be acceptable and pleasing in Your sight and may they be viewed as an act of Worship! Help me to love You more than myself.

Your Clay,

Melissa