Thursday, May 19, 2011


I've been wanting to Know God. Not just to know "of Him" but I've wanted to Know Him, to have that personal relationship with Him where I can sense His spirit leading me. His desires versus my own. So I started praying to that end, and as I began praying and begging Him to teach me how to pray I started praying that the Lord would reveal any area in my life that is holding me back from being used to the fullest by Him.
As Christians, I say we because I assume its a "We" because I Know it's a "me". We struggle with feeling that we need to keep our struggles in secret.  Out of fear of what others may think.  That they may think that we are not as Godly as we should be or yada, yada,...yada, yada.  Well, I'm here to tell you I'm not as Godly as I should be and I'm Far from as Godly as I LONG to be.
I am also convinced that this is a stronghold on the church.  Because we don't openly share how God has healed in one way or moved in another so young girls don't know this side of God.  So this is me being Crazy Frank and out of my comfort zone Open. 
However, openly admitting faults is a pathway to Christ's Redemption and Healing in that Area.

Well, I began praying for the Lord to Reveal areas in my life that are Strongholds and are keeping me from being able to be used by Him the way He desires to use me. 
I have always struggled off and on with insecurity. Sometimes it's almost crippling. A Few weeks ago I have NEVER in my life hit such a low. It was horrible. I hate to sound so extreme but it was almost like an oppression came over me. That would not let up! Don't get me wrong, I was smiling the whole time, carrying on like everything was fine, when I didn't have a choice but inside I was crumbling. I prayed as much as I could muster and felt So alone!

I went home to the Carolina's a few weeks ago and in the beginning of my visit I was outside in the yard with my children and their Pappy, when I saw a Cherry Tree. Truthfully, I had always looked at that tree and thought, "Dude, you are the ugliest tree I have Ever seen!"  Yeah, I talk bad about trees apparently :) but I was SO Shocked to see that it was a cherry tree.

We had so much fun picking cherries and eating them but they were close to being ripe but not quite. I left the next day to go to my parents and was going to return in a week, and I thought to myself at that time those cherries should be ripe when I get back.
When I returned I went for a walk one afternoon and remembered the tree so I went over to it and it was BARE Nothing on it! It was just once again ugly.
I knew then that God was speaking to my heart.  Three awful weeks of Horrible Rawness of insecurity and God brought me here and said, "This is you. This is your stronghold. You have to surrender this, and allow Me to heal it or you will be just like this tree.  If Satan is allowed to hold onto this area of your life and use it whenever he chooses you will be like this tree.  Ugly, empty and he will steal whatever fruit grows." 

I never thought I would share this. This is very personal to me but after God has allowed certain things to unfold today I felt it was my responsibility to let you know, how God worked in my life over the last few weeks.You are not alone in your battles, and our Redeemer is also the Great Healer, and Peace Speaker. May you be blessed in this same way!

Hebrews 12:1-3

Eph. 4:20-24
But you did not learn Christ in this way, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus, that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.

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