Wednesday, November 9, 2011

A Defining Moment-Guest Post by Ann Stringer

Ann Stringer, writer behind
Stringer Mama

A Defining Moment.
I will never forget the gray room, the nurse’s hands, the doctor’s puzzled expression and my tears. Oh my tears. I was in shock. My baby was gone. As soon as they turned on the ultrasound and zoned in on my baby’s little body I knew my little girl was with Jesus and no longer with me. The little person who had seemingly jumped for joy the first time my hubbie and I saw her was still. So still.
My heart broke.

I wanted her! This baby had a special story that was a God story. WHY?

This baby was a burden laid on our hearts by God and God alone. We were in the most financially precarious situation EVER. My husband was going to be going to Seminary for his Master’s and I would probably have to work to help support us. Being pregnant is always very difficult for me and would inhibit my being able to work. But God wanted this child. So we said yes, we will follow You Lord. Two weeks later I was expecting this precious little one and we were somewhat scared, somewhat nervous but the peace of God assured us that we were following Him and His plan, not our own.
As the doctors and nurses left me alone in that gray room, I fell apart. I was alone, so very alone because even though my husband was not there, now I knew my baby was no longer there either. My heart cried out to God “Why?!? We were following you Lord! YOU wanted us to have this baby and I wanted her!!! I wanted to HOLD her! I wanted to SEE her!”
But then a still small voice whispered to me. “I know.” And He did! He did know how my heart felt, He did know that I was crushed. Then the tears stopped. I was still sad, I was still crushed, but I now had something else too. Something I had NEVER experienced with such strength, such assuredness, such power. . .

The peace of God rushed through my heart and held it together. I felt as though there were amazing arms holding me together. The darkness that threatened to encompass me was held at bay and was not allowed to touch me.
We named her Dorema. Dorema is the Greek word for “perfect gift” found in James 1:17 which says:
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” James 1:17

But this story is not over. I am so very thankful for Dorema’s life, however short. She taught me by her little life that no matter how earth-shattering, no matter how painful, no matter how dark, God is there and
He is holding ME. He is caring for ME. He is loving ME.
And if I need it again, He will give me that peace, that peace that passes understanding.

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7

I dream of the day when I will meet my Lord and Savior and be held in His arms and there, right behind Him, waiting for her turn, will be my daughter and oh how sweet a day that will be.


More about Ann:

Ann is a stay-at-home mom and married to her pastor! She blogs at about how through ups and downs God is growing and molding her to become what HE wants her to be as a wife and mother of three. God has given Ann a passion for encouraging and counseling women and it’s hard to miss! But don’t be surprised if her obsession for organization and creative ways of saving money pop out here and there too!


  1. I know that having an ultrasound and seeing no heart beat was one of the hardest times in my life and I definitely needed and relied on God at that time. Thank you for sharing.

  2. I know that must have been a very difficult time for you. Your knowledge of God's comfort there is so inspiring - thank you for sharing this!