I hope you have been as blessed as I have-while daily reading all the thanksgiving and praises lifted to our God on Melissa’s wonderful blog! We have read how God has saved and sanctified these beautiful ladies from some horrific life experiences. God showed Himself faithful in the face of rape-divorce-miscarriage-abuse and much more! These stories bring us to tears and then fill us with an AMEN! as they conclude with God’s grace, mercy and love!
And…we’re only on day 10 of this month long journey to Glorify God!
When Melissa first asked if I would share about one of my “stones” I knew right away that I would choose one of two stories. I didn’t even have to think about it, though I have prayed to confirm it’s what God would have me share. I hope you will be blessed as you read on and realize that though it is purely AMAZING how God can heal a life crushed by such severity (as has already been shared), He can also use something as simple as buying chicken to reveal a level of Himself we have never experienced before!!!
I woke because the three older children needed me. If not for them, I would have tried to sleep a bit longer.
“Mommy-can you make me waffles for breakfast?”
“Mommy, Reilly took my doll!”
“Mommy, are you getting up? I’m thirsty!”
Their morning requests woke the precious newborn lying peacefully by my side.
“Sigh. Yes. Ok. and Yes. Just let me nurse your baby brother and change his diaper, then I’ll get everything you need.”
I had recently come home from the hospital after giving birth to our fourth child. He was about a week or two old and I was still coping with post partum soreness…emotions…and in general getting used to adding a new little one to our family.
In addition to those changes, God had been working on changing my heart. I was reading the toughest book I have ever read-all about being a help meet for my husband. This book hit me in all the worst spots and revealed a level of selfishness…bitterness…and pride I never knew I had. I desired to be a better wife to my husband and had been daily reading and praying about it.
That evening, we were to have our weekly Bible study in our home. I was already anxious about how I was going to get the house cleaned up and ready for the crowd while caring for the little ones. So, on my agenda was:
- Survive the day and
- Clean the house.
I figured that was more than enough for a brand new Mommy with 4!
Then..before I had even gone to the bathroom, the phone rang.
It was my husband-you know-that same one that I was trying to be more submissive too…more loving…more respectful. A vendor for his company was visiting from out of town. His wife and their children were staying in the area as well. My husband shared a bit about Jesus with him-which led to our Bible study that night-which led to my husband inviting him and his family to join us. Them being from out of town, he figured it would also be kind to invite them for dinner. And so… he did. He was calling to let me know that this couple (that I had never met before) and their young children would be joining us for dinner and then staying for the bible study.
Is your heart pounding??? Did you instantly develop a head ache? Are you clenching your fists and doing some deep breathing to keep from screaming??? No? Hmm. That’s strange, because that’s what I was doing during this phone call. Anger poured through my veins. Resentment! Frustration! Doubt in my abilities as a wife and mommy and more!
“Is he crazy??? What could he be thinking!!??? I will barely be able to get the house ready for
the crowd we have coming…I was not planning on cooking dinner at all!!! Now, I have to cook-serve company-clean up
the dinner mess-and the extra mess their kids will make all in time for Bible study!!”
Mixed in with my rampage was the realization that I would have to somehow manage all that and appear to be kind and gracious-which were two traits I was NOT feeling at the moment. I managed to get off the phone without saying too much to my husband, so I don’t remember if he realized how his call affected me. But-it did-in a bad-bad-way.
In the shower a few minutes later I cried and cried.
“What is wrong with me!!!??? I want to be a good wife. I want to serve him and love him and
do this for him in a loving way but I am SO MAD that he hasn’t considered me!!!”
And then, the worst part hit me! I had no food in the house to prepare for company!!
“I have never loaded up all 4 kids to go anywhere! And technically-I’m not supposed to even be driving yet!!!”
The idea of food shopping with the newborn and the others so overwhelmed me I contemplated calling my husband back and telling him to forget it! Un-invite them! I’ can’t do it! I have no food in the house and I can’t possibly add shopping to my day!
However silly and small we see it as now-trust me-that morning it was A MOUNTAIN! I sort of prayed (sort of just complained) while in the shower for God to help me. When I got out of the shower, I decided to call a strong sister in Christ for prayer. I knew I was going to blow this one big time and I hoped if she prayed with me, I might settle down, get a new perspective and be able to accomplish what God was calling me to do that day in love. But I’ll be honest..I doubted it was going to help one bit!
She, however, being a busy mommy herself, couldn’t talk. Before I could even tell her why I was crying she said she would call me back in just a few minutes.
I sat on the toilet lid and continued to lament of my problems. Food shopping for chicken being the top of my complaints. For the second time, I was just about to call my husband and tell him to forget it-he’d have to shop at lunch time, come home early and cook dinner himself. I really and truly saw that as the only answer. Then…the phone rang. I assumed it was the woman I just called.
“Hello?”
“Shannon, Hi! It’s Jill.”(Jill????? That’s strange-though I am friends with Jill, we NEVER call each other-I mean NEVER….and certainly NOT this early in the morning. I hope she’s ok).
“Hi, Jill. What’s up?” (I muster in between the sobs I am trying to hide).
“Shannon, I know this might seem strange, but I was standing at my kitchen sink, washing the dishes, and the Lord laid you on my heart. I began to pray for you, though I didn’t know why and then, well, I just had to call you and ask if I could do something for you. This might sound crazy,
but I want to know if I could go to the grocery store for you and pick up a few things?”
Are your goosebumps as big as mine? Five years later, just re-telling her phone call
still brings me to tears and gives me goosebumps.
“Jill, are you kidding me???? You have no idea what you have just offered to do for me and how desperately I needed this help!!!” I WAS SHAKINGAND CRYING SO HARD AT THIS POINT, I’M SURPISED
SHE EVEN HEARD MY SHOPPING LIST REQUEST!
Jill did go to the store for me that morning. She bought some chicken breasts, salad and bread. But it’s not the food that’s really important. Her obedience to the Holy Spirit..her call…her sacrificing her time to shop for me…allowed me to instantaneously forget about everything I had been feeling just a second before. God’s mercy-His grace and love for me in that moment spoke so loudly…it blocked out my screaming tantrum and all I could hear was this:
“Dear, sweet Shannon. I hear you precious child and I love you. I love you even now while you are in the midst of sinning. Sinning against your husband and me. I know you feel he has asked too much of you, I know you think you can’t and shouldn’t have to do it. And I know that your heart desires to please him and me but in your own strength-you can not.
You don’t have to.”
In the form of a simple phone call and some frozen chicken God showed me something I had read a hundred times but in my heart never really felt or believed. He doesn’t just love me when I am good or when I do things right. He doesn’t only help me if I am doing and saying what I am supposed to. He really and truly does love us
while we are yet sinners.
It shouldn’t have surprised me so. If I believed that he would send His Son to die on a cross for my sins…why should I have been so overwhelmingly shocked that he would send a friend to go food shopping?
But I was-and I still am.
The first friend I had called to ask for prayer returned my call in time to hear me joyously and with shaking shoulders from sobbing praise God for how much He loves me!!! How much He cares about even the little tiny details of our lives!! How, even before she or I actually even had the time to pray and ask Him for help-He already had it covered…and then some!!!!!
I will never forget that morning! I often wonder if God used that evening to plant seeds in the heart of that young family and perhaps they are now believers in Jesus Christ themselves. I hope and pray that someone reading this post today
-someone who has read all the others and thought their problems were so small in comparison that God couldn’t really care about their hurt or their needs-
would be encouraged that God does care! He loves us in the small stuff and even in the sin-filled stuff and just as miraculous as He provided frozen chicken for me…He can provide for you!!!
Shannon...wow! Incredible story. I love how right when you needed it, God impressed on a sweet sister to bless you. Thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing story of God's love!! Wow! We often forget how God moves in hearts today until we experience something like this. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHe's in the details Shann! I remember those days, I see your growth, I praise Him for all that He has done, is doing, and will do in you, for you, and Soli Deo Gloria! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Charisse