(As I was praying through this post and writing it out I had to step away for a bit to clear my head, and seek the Lord's direction on it. As I removed myself from this post I opened up Youtube and stumbled upon this song. It is says Exactly where my heart is in this post. I encourage you to listen as you read!)
I wouldn't say that I'm a bad person. I know I'm a sinner, but I'm not that bad...right? I mean if I'm bad it's not on purpose. This past week I pleaded for the Lord to reveal any area of my heart that is in sin. I don't want even part of me to do anything other than glorify Him!
Oh my mercy did He ever answer my prayer. The only thing I can compare it to would be Isaiah 6, It's funny that my heart has been in this chapter for a while.
Isaiah 6:1-7
1In the year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of His robe filled the temple. 2Above Him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. 3And one called to another and said:
"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts; the whole earth is full of His glory!"
"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts; the whole earth is full of His glory!"
4And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of Him who called, and the house was filled with smoke.
5And I said:
"Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!"
Isaiah didn't necessarily see himself as a bad person, he had just finished several chapters on woe-ing others, but when He was faced with the Glory of GOD there was nothing good within him. All those years of thinking God had to be satisfied with him because at least he wasn't like the others...
This entire week the Lord has brought unknown sins to the surface. It is literally like little snakes (I despise that word, so I apologize for even using it, but I am a visual person and this is how I see it played out within my heart.) I see them crawling up to the surface and if I don't immediately pray, acknowledge them and ask forgiveness it feels like they will consume me.
Sins like: Pride, Jealousy, Envy, Negativity, Bitterness, Regret and Impatience. I had no idea how much I struggled with these sins, until I prayed for the Lord to shine light on them and to remove them, but I had no idea how often they consumed me.
Negative Thoughts, Bitterness, Jealousy, Judgemental, Regret, Bitterness, Bitterness, Bitterness...Sin, Sin, Sin!!! I had no idea how un-Holy, these are! They are an Affront to God and they consume me DAILY and I had no idea that they were there!
Galatians 5:16-21 (ESV)
Galatians 5:16-21 (ESV)
19-21 Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy,drunkenness, orgies, and things like these.
Oh my goodness I've always known that I was a sinner but until this week I was never truly disgusted (don't take that word lightly, I was Broken and Disgusted over them!) how blatantly much I am a sinner! I am Guilty!
It was almost constantly, that the Lord was showing sin creeping up. Oh my Holy!
I couldn't help but think:
"Why on earth do you waste Your time on me, Lord? If this is where I am and Holiness is where you want me to be. Holy mercy, how have YOU not given up on me? How can YOU possibly use me? Why do YOU still bother with me?
But then there's verses 6&7
PRAISE the LORD for verses 6&7!
Isaiah 6:6-7
6Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. 7And he touched my mouth and said: "Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for."
Psalms 145:8-9 (NIV)
The LORD is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.
slow to anger and rich in love.
9 The LORD is good to all;
He has compassion on all He has made.
He has compassion on all He has made.
Without YOU I don't like me! Without YOUR transforming power in my life, my life has no meaning. May you take all of me and use it for YOUR Glory alone! Take this life and make it YOURS. Make this life moldable, usable, may YOU look upon this life and find it as a pleasing sacrifice!
May YOU take this wretched life and make it HOLY!
Love this song! We sing it at church! Hard not to let lost in it!
ReplyDeleteHi Melissa - its good to take stock and its good to ask God to search out your heart. I think I steer clear of that because I am scared of what He might reveal about me. But better to know and repent than not know and fester.
ReplyDeleteGod bless
Tracy
What a powerful post! So raw and open, and so true! I've always felt (this isn't the precise word, so forgive me) danger whenever I've found myself comfortable with myself in this area.
ReplyDeleteNot that I think we should all run around consumed with guilt, but there is SUCH a difference between guilt and conviction. And as soon as we start judging ourselves as "good enough", "holy enough", or "sanctified enough" we have compromised ourselves and our OH SO HOLY God. Outside of His grace and Jesus blood, we will never ever ever be enough. And now that we have been made new creatures, we should strive to actually BE those new creatures that we were designed to be!
I had never heard that song before. But I don't want to go anywhere without Him either. Absolutely beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI think we need to pray that prayer often because once we get one thing under control, another one crops up.
Most of those sins, if you look at them, will only make YOU unhappy. When
ReplyDeleteI realized WHY I was committing them it was easy to stop most of them. Know your sins and know yourself.
Emily- Not sure what you mean. My point is: I thought I was very aware of my faults and I am. I knew these were present at times but I didn't realize how often nor how offensive they are to a Holy God. There's a difference in "knowing" their offensive and KNOWING/Experiencing how offensive. Isaiah didn't think he was a bad person but when faced with the Glory of GOD there was Absolutely Nothing Good Within him. He was without excuse, and as a child of God we need to realize Sin is sin, no matter how small or infrequent we may think it is and we should never be complacent in it.
ReplyDelete