Saturday, January 21, 2012

Just Want to be Used

My prayer for months has been, "Lord, I just want to be used by You! Make me Your beautiful hands and feet. Give me opportunities to spread your Truth..."

My biggest problem has been trying to understand.  Because the stories I hear are of people sharing the Gospel and having a Crazy outcome.
Such as "Suzy said the name Jesus at the drug store the other day and 200 people came to know the Lord."  Whaaaat?!?!?! 
I don't often hear the everyday, common stories. :)

I have distant friends who have been baptizing 2000 people on Sunday's, having 6000 people come to the Lord over a weekend. That's crazy awesome and I can't help but pray, "Lord am I doing something wrong? What am I missing?  Do I not know You or Your power the way that I should?  Am I not using every opportunity that you place infront of me to spread the gospel?"

So along with praying to be used, I have been praying for understanding. (James 1:5) Here's what I've got and it's kinda cool.  (Matthew 13)

I've been called to share the Good News, not to save people.  Salvation is of God, He does it, not me - I've always known this but never put it into perspective alongside Matthew 13. 

You see, my desire is to be used by God, whether I see the fruit or not; my goal is to be used at EVERY opportunity HE places before me.  Being used is in every aspect of the sower parable.  My job is to pray for opportunities to sow the seed. The seed may be planted by me and watered by another.  I may not see it's fruit, I do it and surrender it to God!

In no way do I desire fame, or for others to tell of my story! That's the scariest thought to me. For someone to see God do something through me and for them to say -"Oh you should see what Melissa's doing." That's CRAZY!  If you knew me, without Christ in me, it would be laughable to consider "Oh look what she's doing"  I pray so hard against that.  I want to be HIS hands and feet- never mine!

The thing is, GOD is working so loudly and profoundly in my heart. HE has made me a new creation, HE is my 1st love.  For someone to tell me, "Oh I'm so proud of you" is repulsive to me and breaks my heart. My heart screams, "Do you not see it? How do you not see HIM?"  My life is NOT a reflection of me! I pray so hard that it is a LOUD reflection of Christ in me!  I want others to see this life and see HIM! 

People used to get on "Melissa's" nerves, but Christ in me causes my heart ache over others. A love that is almost unbearable for people I don't even know!

How do I know the "Love of Christ"?  Because when I pray to love others with His love He fills me with a Supernatural Love, a love that does not have to be earned nor maintained - it just is

How do I know that GOD wouldn't treat sinners the way that most church people do?  Because when I pray for the Lord to give me HIS eyes to view others HE Does and it brings me to my knees with compassion over the Lost! It fills me to the brim with a broken heart over a brother or sister in sin.

How do I know that God wants not only our good attributes but the ones that I would be too ashamed of to even share with my husband? Because I handed it ALL over to Christ, I have surrendered ALL of it to Christ and HE is making me a New Creation!

How do I know that the Lord hears our prayers? Because I've been praying to be used for months and HE has been filling my stay-at-home mommy life with Divine Opportunities! 

(P.S. Stay-at-Home mommy is far from used as a derogatory comment towards this wonderful gift of GOD - to be able to stay home.  It is acknowledging that I used to consider it an obstacle that would keep me from sharing the gospel.  You see the Lord is Sovereign over our circumstances.  He's called us to be Fishers of Men, we can't allow our circumstances to be a cop-out for not fulfilling the Great Commission! )

HIS clay~